Saturday, September 15, 2007

The Top 10 Reasons to be a Writer According to Rachelle J. Christensen

I love being a writer and I want you all to know how much I enjoy it, so here's my top ten list!

10. You get lots of mail. Yes it’s usually rejection letters with words like unfortunately, sorry, and it’s just not right for me, but hey everyone loves to get mail—right?

9. You get to have your self-esteem tested on a regular basis. Most people go around thinking they are no good, but you have the actual proof in the letter you just got out of the mailbox.

8. You are one of the few people who will get to enjoy The Look in your lifetime. The Look is when you are talking about what you like to do and you say, “I like to write.” And the person says, “Really, have you been published?” and if you say, “No, but I’ve got 289 queries out right now.” They give you The Look and say, “Hmmm, that’s nice.” (If further explanation is needed just try it on one of your friends).

7. You know how to do things with Microsoft Word that Bill Gates doesn’t even know.

6. You can feel good about devouring an entire bag of M&M’s, ½ pound of cheese, a box of crackers, another bag of M&M’s, and a Dove dark chocolate bar because you are going to reach your word count goal today!

5. You will acquire the odd habit of addressing letters to yourself with postage paid and dropping it in the mailbox and excitedly counting down the days until you get it back.

4. Writers are intelligent people! You know what ms, SASE, SAE, SCBWI, IRC, b&w, 20 lb. white, YA , dummy, and agent only means.

3. You also know what query, outline, sample chapter, spreadsheet, synopsis, unsolicited material, simultaneous submissions,em dash, table of contents, royalties, advances, and submissions editor means. Oh and of course you know what rejection means too.

2. When you step into a bookstore from now on, you will look around at all the sundry bestselling books on the shelves in awe and smack your palm against your glistening forehead and vociferate, “What am I doing wrong!” and then wince as your hand tingles and your wrist throbs and you remember that you shouldn’t slap things because you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

1. Because you like to write prolifically, and you compose, dash off, draft, scribble, create, rewrite, reference, versify, and inscribe on a daily basis— you can write up silly, zany, cockamamie, amusing, sardonic top ten lists and post it for your friends when you are having an otherwise uneventful day. (And you can count this list as 461 words closer to your word limit today and insist that all of your friends give Rachelle J. Christensen credit for writing something worthwhile today.)

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