This pregnancy has been difficult for me—yeah I know—what pregnancy isn’t? The thing that has been nagging at my mind is a comment one of my friends made several weeks ago. But I want to give you a tiny bit of background first.
My pregnancies aren’t a cup of tea because I have a condition called meralgia paresthetica. Think I’m making it up ?—click here to read about it.
Don’t worry I’d never heard of it until I was pregnant with my first child. I’ve been to oodles of doctors and specialists, had an MRI, and physical therapy over the course of my pregnancies. I didn’t go to any special doctors besides my chiropractor for this pregnancy because the sad truth of the matter is the pain will not go away until a few months after I have my baby. This is because my babies lie on my psoas muscle and pinch a nerve that runs down the FRONT of my right leg. No it is not sciatica, thankfully I don’t have that. Here are a few of the symptoms of this condition. I found a list on the internet and it is pretty accurate because I’ve experienced them.
Pain on the outer side of the thigh, occasionally extending to the outer side of the knee, usually constant.
- A burning sensation, tingling, or numbness in the same area
- Multiple bee-sting like pains in the affected area
- Occasionally, aching in the groin area or pain spreading across the buttocks
- Usually more sensitive to light touch than to firm pressure
- Hyper sensitivity to heat (warm water from shower feels like it is burning the area)
Now, don’t take this just as a complaining session. I told you I needed to give you a little bit of background because I’m going to ask you an important question in a minute.
From about month 4 of my pregnancy I cannot stand for more than 3-5 minutes without excruciating burning pain going up and down my leg. And those bee-sting like pains—try sleeping when you feel like you’re lying in a hornet’s nest.
So I think I’ve given you a tiny picture into what my pregnancies are like. Here’s the question one of my friends asked me after I told her I needed to go because I couldn’t stand very long. I didn’t explain anything in detail, just that I had a problem with my leg during pregnancies.
She has one child from a difficult pregnancy and she has told me that she’s done having kids. She said, “I don’t understand why people have more kids when their pregnancies are so difficult.”
I smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders and hurried back to my car. At first the comment stung just a little because I’m pregnant so obviously I have a few emotional ties going on to this baby. But over the last few weeks, I’ve continued to ponder what she said and I think I’ve come up with something I’d like to share.
Yes, my pregnancies are very hard and at times it is difficult not to feel depressed and downtrodden because there are so many things that I cannot do without pain. I have to sit down to put on my make-up, but guess what—I’m not on bed rest and I know plenty of ladies who have to endure that. I really don’t think any woman would say that pregnancy is easy.
Bearing children is probably one of the most difficult things we as women will do on this earth. So why do we do it?
Because it’s worth it. Because I never knew how full of love my heart could be until I held my sweet baby in my arms, and then until I held my second baby, and then until I cuddled my girls close and felt my third child moving inside of me. My husband and I find it difficult to remember what life was like before our struggle to have children finally was overcome with the birth of our first daughter.
Last summer I ran four different 5K races and placed in the top ten in a few of them. I had a great garden and canned my heart out. I felt physically fit and enjoyed going on long walks with my family.
This summer, I haven’t been able to run at all. I’ve bottled some green beans, but I can’t go on long walks with my family. But what I’ve decided in answer to that question/statement is that I’m willing to give up a year of my life to have a baby so that I can love and nurture that child for the rest of our lives together on this earth. I love being a mother so much that I am willing to put my life on hold for a year to suffer through nausea, sickness, pain, and the agony of trying to get it all back together afterwards just so that I can hold that precious baby in my arms and tell him how much I love him and how glad I am that Heavenly Father gave me a chance to have him in my life.
Incidentally, yesterday someone was asking me when I was going to have my baby and I told her how close I was to my due date and then she said, “And then you’re done?”
I shrugged my shoulders again, but said, “That’s definitely not a question to ask someone in this stage of their pregnancy.” And I laughed and so did she.
So why do we have children when it’s so difficult? It certainly doesn’t get any easier after they’re here. I’d love to hear your answers, but I’ll tell you mine once more.
I want to have more children because the painful incidences of one year will soon be forgotten, but the memories we will make together over a lifetime will fill my life with joy and make me the person I want to be—a mother.